The brainchild of a day without exams; patented by Bitchy Ideas Ltd and sold by Mattel, Paris Hilton as Barbie (TM) comes complete with chihuahua, 'get out of jail free' card, sex tape and "Prison Diaries: An Autobiography."
And now, Just a Girl presents...The Life and Adventures of Paris Hilton as Barbie (TM)!
Barbie is in her final year of schooling...after years of distraction (mainly in the form of boys), she finally decides she needs to study in order to pass, as her IB co-ordinator (the same, misleading man who convinced her she could do IB in the first place) continually warns her that she is an SAR - Student At Risk (of Failing the Diploma).
Barbie attends her school formal, also known as the Apocalypse Ball. Unfortunately, Barbie had a little too much to drink, and indulged in some girl-on-girl action, that happened to be caught on tape. Embarrassingly enough, this footage was circulated around the school and the Internet via MySpace, Facebook and YouTube. Most boys, however, simply think it's "hot" and in the end, Barbie wins - boys, that is.
Barbie decides that she needs to apply to university, and applies to several Fashion Design courses in both Australia and the US, on a whim after attending a talk about studying in the US by accident one lunchtime at school, and being "scouted" by the cute admissions guy...what was his name again?!
Barbie sits 15 exams at the end of the year - most of them hungover. When she has left school (finally!) she flies off to the sunny shores of Hawaii to spend time with her cousins; beaching, tanning, flirting, shopping. She falls in love many times over, and is often mistaken for her younger sister, Nicki, or, (while at parties) her unrelated friend Tara Reid.
Surprising everyone (including herself), Barbie is Dux of the school and is offered a scholarship to Princeton, which she accepts. She begins a major in History. Thanks to the power of the Internet, Barbie has made many friends before she arrives, through Facebook and networking fellow Princeton undergrads. She is immensely popular and well-liked when she arrives, although she quickly makes the mistake of offending the wrong people, and soon has some very jealous and bitchy enemies who will stop at nothing for revenge. Over the course of the year, she is egged, spat on, tripped, and is the butt of a very unpleasant rumour about what she does in "tutes" with her English professor...She also narrowly avoids arrest on several occasions for DUI (nobody quite knows how she escaped arrest...although it was always heavily speculated that it involved "favours" of some kind.)
To console herself, Barbie throws herself a little bit too hard into the more attractive aspects of university life - namely, the social scene. She flunks her first year, loses her scholarship and drops out. With no money and nowhere to go, she is forced to go into modelling - specifically, modelling for the hateful IB. It pays the rent...until the video from her formal is marketed by a bitter ex-boyfriend, and she is approached by film and reality TV directors alike and offered big cash to go naked.
Barbie, however, (strongly advised by her mother, who threatens to cut off her inheritance if she doesn't) refuses all and flees to somewhere in Northern Russia where they don't have the Internet and she can escape her reputation. As she is foreign, she is treated like a god, and her stark beauty - particularly in contrast to the natives - earns her many modelling jobs, which she enjoys. She meets her boyfriend on the job - he's an underwear model, and also a foreigner (American) - who she marries at 23. They move to Greece where Barbie becomes famous for designing lingerie. They have 3 children, and live sexily every after.Don't you just love it how Barbie manages to look particularly bitchy in every photo? My favourite is the first photo - it's such a "I know you're looking at me, and I know why; I'm just so gorgeous. I know you wish you looked just like me" smirk. Who knew plastic came with attitude?
x
Just a girl
3 comments:
Can't believe I've read a whole post about Barbie, lol!
23 is too young to marry, unless you're planning several marriages. And I reckon such a smart girl would quickly grow bored with a male underwear model. However, being a bloke, I would happily grow old with a female underwear model :)
Hey Toby,
That's probably true about 23 being too young to settle down, esp. for life! I mean, if she was any kind of celebrity, she'd be divorced within a year. I should have said she ran off with his (much hotter) brother (who's in the fireman line of work...so to speak!) and left him with the kids! Much more dramatic. And then perhaps she should dump him, too, after a few years of passion, and find herself an older, richer man like George Cloony - Hollywood style!
x
Just a gril
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