I was wait-listed by Columbia. Because this is the first result I read, and it caught me so totally by surprise* - I was completely unprepared for this option - that I started to cry. I was so anxious and tense and stressed that I needed some answer, some finality, some yes or no, and yet I got suspended hope, suspended rejection, and it made me cry, because it was still indefinate.** The hope is good, and I have expressed further interest,*** because perhaps if I can't have my ultimate dream Columbia will be an unforseen chance.
That's right, my ultimate dream, of old buildings where I had hoped I might one day wander in search of class, of following in my father's footsteps, of creating new memories where his fond ones lie, of Yale, has been cruelly destroyed by harsh rocks of rejection in the sea of university admission (I write with sincere regret to say...) ****
Perhaps it was stupid of me to dream, but I cannot, could not, help myself. I dared to dream what if...? somewhat foolishly so, but I would say that I am that way inclined. I'm a dreamer; though I may be realistic about my chances, I'm an eternal optimist. This is what I said last May:
...I love thinking about the future, and the possibilities it holds! Call it fantasising, call it dreaming, call it what you will - I just love thinking about the opportunities the rest of my life holds - university, work, travel, marriage...It's a little hard to explain...it's a hopeful, optimistic feeling of knowing I've got the whole world in front of me, I'm young, I can do what I want, and achieve my dreams (that's the hopeful part). I could spend hours just thinking about what could be...reality is a rude disturber of such dreams.
And look at what good it did me. How naive I was. This just might turn me cynical (like you, Du'loque!)
And it makes me cry all over again because the dashing of said hopes makes me realise how much I wanted it, how much I hoped against hope, against being 10%, against being an international student, against having mediocre SATs.
But I have tried. I have failed, but I have tried, and I must be proud of myself for doing so. There were nearly 23,000 applicants this year, so I really shouldn't be surprised.
I have not yet heard from Rochester, and I am not sure whether I will, online, in any case. I had to laugh because I thought that Common Application might have some information regarding admission or post the results and - thinking the site was www.ca.org - stumbled upon Cocaine Anonymous. I them remembered the site was www.commonapp.org. Silly me. Must be all the stress.
My tears are salting my keyboard. I am an utter mess, alone in my room,***** surrounded by tissues and lost dreams, but I will remember your kind words, du'loque,****** and yours, Gemini.
My parents may be happy, though, because they never really wanted me to go anyway (and I say that without spite or malice.)
Now I must scrub up for dinner and act like nothing is wrong. I'm not a pretty crier, I'm probably not going to fool anyone. Thank God you all can't see me while I'm typing this.
x
Just a girl
*and yet there is some ironic deja vu in that my favourite character in Gossip Girl, Blair Waldorf, who's life ambition is the same as mine - Yale - is waitlisted to Yale, rejected everywhere else (Harvard, Princeton, Brown, Wesleyan, and Vassar) and accepted at Georgetown, her "safety." But unlike me, she is accepted at Yale, probably because she is the creme de la creme of the Upper East Side, much better academically than I could ever hope to be (all her classes were AP) and she is a fictional character who I should not envy.
**I should probably be flattered that at least they're still considering me. They put it best when they said "We understand that you may greet this news with mixed feelings." No kidding.
***because I will take whatever chance I have to be accepted.
****The Dean of Admissions then goes on to say "I realize that this decision may come as a real disappointment." What an understatement. Empathy appreciated.
*****And that's the thing about college. While I may feel like I have friends, there is no one right now that I feel I can turn to, who would understand, not like Gemini or Sara. Or Du'loque, whose online presence is much appreciated.
******I just noticed your tag, 'just a girl don't take it too personally.' Was that pre-empting imminent rejection? Kidding. Thank you.
But Good God, what is with all the asterisks? It seems I cannot help myself! Your blog is manipulating me...
13 comments:
I am sorry that you missed out on Yale. But you can always hope that combo-thingy will accept you. On another note I have heard that IB classes are roughly equivalent to AP classes. Good Luck
Sorry to hear you were rejected. It's never a good feeling, I hope everything else in the evil world of university goes okay for you.
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for any of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars which have been transfered FROM US TO THEM. All over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They just keep getting richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductible crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. Cashing in on the PR and getting even richer the following year. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. Their bogus efforts to make the world a better place can not possibly succeed. Any 'humanitarian' progress made in one area will be lost in another. EVERY SINGLE TIME. IT ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. So don’t fall for any of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductible contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGenerous, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. Now, there are commercial ties between nearly every industry and every public figure. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘good will’ BS. ITS A LIE. If you fall for it, then you’re a fool. If you see any real difference between the moral character of a celebrity, politician, attorney, or executive, then you’re a fool. No offense fellow citizens. But we have been mislead by nearly every public figure. WAKE UP PEOPLE. THEIR GOAL IS TO WIN THE GAME. The 1% club will always say or do whatever it takes to get as rich as possible. Without the slightest regard for anything or anyone but themselves. Reaganomics. Their idea. Loans from China. Their idea. NAFTA. Their idea. Outsourcing. Their idea. Sub-prime. Their idea. High energy prices. Their idea. Obscene health care charges. Their idea. The commercial lobbyist. Their idea. The multi-million dollar lawsuit. Their idea. The multi-million dollar endorsement deal. Their idea. $200 cell phone bills. Their idea. $200 basketball shoes. Their idea. $30 late fees. Their idea. $30 NSF fees. Their idea. $20 DVDs. Their idea. Subliminal advertising. Their idea. Brainwash plots on TV. Their idea. Vioxx, and Celebrex. Their idea. The MASSIVE campaign to turn every American into a brainwashed, credit card, pharmaceutical, love-sick, celebrity junkie. Their idea. All of the above shrink the middle class, concentrate the world’s wealth and resources, create a dominoe effect of socio-economic problems, and wreak havok on society. All of which have been CREATED AND ENDORSED by celebrities, athletes, executives, entrepreneurs, attorneys, and politicians. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for any of their ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTIBLE PR CRAP. In many cases, the 'charitable' contribution is almost entirely offset. Not to mention the opportunity to plug their name, image, product, and 'good will' all at once. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. These filthy pigs even have the nerve to throw a fit and spin up a misleading defense with regard to 'federal tax revenue'. ITS A SHAM. THEY SCREWED UP THE EQUATION TO BEGIN WITH. If the middle and lower classes had a greater share of the pie, they could easily cover a greater share of the federal tax revenue. They are held down in many ways because of greed. Wages remain stagnant for millions because the executives, celebrities, athletes, attorneys, and entrepreneurs, are paid millions. They over-sell, over-charge, under-pay, outsource, cut jobs, and benefits to increase their bottom line. As their profits rise, so do the stock values. Which are owned primarily by the richest 5%. As more United States wealth rises to the top, the middle and lower classes inevitably suffer. This reduces the potential tax reveue drawn from those brackets. At the same time, it wreaks havok on middle and lower class communities and increases the need for financial aid. Not to mention the spike in crime because of it. There is a dominoe effect to consider. IT CAN'T WORK THIS WAY. But our leaders refuse to acknowledge this. Instead they come up with one trick after another to milk the system and screw the majority. These decisions are heavily influensed by the 1% club. Every year, billions of federal tax dollars are diverted behind the scenes back to the rich and their respective industries. Loans from China have been necessary to compensate in part, for the red ink and multi-trillion dollar transfer of wealth to the rich. At the same time, the feds have been pushing more financial burden onto the states who push them lower onto the cities. Again, the hardship is felt more by the majority and less by the 1% club. The rich prefer to live in exclusive areas or upper class communities. They get the best of everything. Reliable city services, new schools, freshly paved roads, upscale parks, ect. The middle and lower class communities get little or nothing without a local tax increase. Which, they usually can't afford. So the red ink flows followed by service cuts and lay-offs. All because of the OBSCENE distribution of bottom line wealth in this country. So when people forgive the rich for their incredible greed and then praise them for paying a greater share of the FEDERAL income taxes, its like nails on a chalk board. I can not accept any theory that our economy would suffer in any way with a more reasonable distribution of wealth. Afterall, it was more reasonable 30 years ago. Before Reaganomics came along. Before GREED became such an epidemic. Before we had an army of over-paid executives, bankers, celebrities, athletes, attorneys, doctors, investors, entrepreneurs, developers, and sold-out politicians to kiss their asses. As a nation, we were in much better shape. Strong middle class, free and clear assets, lower crime rate, more widespread prosperity, stable job market, lower deficit, ect. Our economy as a whole was much more stable and prosperous for the majority. WITHOUT LOANS FROM CHINA. Now, we have a more obscene distribution of bottom line wealth than ever before. We have a sold-out government, crumbling infrastructure, energy crisis, home forclosure epidemic, 13 figure national deficit, and 12 figure annual shortfall. The cost of living is higher than ever before. Most people can't even afford basic health care. ALL BECAUSE OF GREED. I really don't blame the 2nd -5th percentiles in general. No economy could ever function without some reasonable scale of personal wealth and income. But it can't be allowed to run wild like a mad dog. ALBERT EINSTEIN TRIED TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND. UNBRIDLED CAPITALISM ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WORK. TOP HEAVY ECONOMIES ALWAYS COLLAPSE. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. The American dream will be shattered. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE HUMANITARIAN. EXTREME WEALTH MAKES WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman.. Of course, they will jump to small minded conclusions about 'jealousy', 'envy', or 'socialism'. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
Dancing Feet and Kayleigh: Thanks.
Anonymous: I'll keep that in mind.
I won't say I know what you're going through cause I don't. I never applied to any Ivy League school or any school that even compares.
Don't be too hard on yourself, there's nothing wrong with dreaming and going for it. You know you had to try it. It's kind of what I'm doing right now, I just had to try med school, maybe I'll make it to second year maybe I won't but at least I'll know I tried.
So cry every tear you have to, because I would never ask you to do the opposite. Let's just wait and see what happens. And as lame as this may sound, believe everything happens for a reason. =)
Aw, Gaby. Thank you! I do somewhat believe that everything happens for a reason, I guess I'll just have to figure out/wait and see what that reason is. That boosts my optimism. Thank you for understanding. =)
Also, Anonymous. I have thought about what you said, and I disagree with you in several instances. One, I object to Oprah being called a "filthy pig," that I believe she is not. I believe in - and suppert - her humanitarian work, particularly her efforts in South Africa, and I belive that any humanitarian efforts are not in vain nor a sham. As for "the MASSIVE campaign to turn every American into a brainwashed, credit card, pharmaceutical, love-sick, celebrity junkie," I think this may be a wee bit cynical. Mind you, my economic grasp of the US situation - or, indeed, the global one, is not strong, so you may be right about our top heavy economy, but I sincerely hope that it does not colapse in the apocalyptic way that you say it will.
x
Just a girl
Hey Just a Girl,
I'm so sorry to hear about your Yale rejection. BUT it's no reflection whatsoever one you, or your grades. From what I can tell on here you seem like a hugely intelligent, talented person (and great photographer!) and I'm guessing the other 23,000 were equally the same. There's just not enough room for all you intelligents! =) I'm sure that whatever college you end up going to, you will love. It's funny because I still haven't decided about whether 'Que sera, sera' is true or if it's so, so wrong. Sometimes I think no, you make your future, other times I think, hmm maybe it's just what's meant to be. In this case you tried to make your future, that's the MOST important thing (you weren't scared of dreaming! And dreaming gets you to places!)and annoyingly this just wasn't meant to be. But that should mean that there is something else waiting for you which is mean to be much, much more!
Keep, keep, keep on dreaming! I daydream all day long at school but I'm going to make sure that my dreams come true. How cheesy that sounds, i know.
And thank you so much for your sweet comments on my blog!
Skyla xxx
I'm extremley sorry to read of your rejection, or shall we say, pardon. However, the way you writing screams intelligence and depth, whilst provoking emotion and thought.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
xo
Oh, Skyla. Thank you. Your words are a great comfort.
Anonymous, you flatter. Thank you; your words also give me heart.
x
Just a girl
SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS, PRETEND ITS A GENTLE CAPS LOCK!
JUST A GIRL WHO IS ACTUALLY NOT JUST A GIRL, BUT A VERY PASSIONATE, INTELLIGENT, CARING, BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG GIRL, (YES I HAVE USED ONE LIKE THAT BEFORE BUT ITS VERY TRUE!) I HAVE KNOWN YOU FOR MANY YEARS NOW AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS THAT BRINGS THE BEST OUT IN PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT ISN'T JUST THE FUTURE THAT WILL BRING THE MOST WONDERFUL THINGS FOR YOU, IT IS ALSO RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW YOU ARE ALL THOSE THINGS I SAID YOU WERE ABOVE - AND THOSE WORDS WEREN'T CHOSEN HAPHAZARDLY, RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE MANY PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT YOU AND LOVE YOU, RIGHT NOW YOU ARE ACHIEVING GREAT THINGS, EXPERIENCING NEW THINGS, READY FOR NEW THINGS. RIGHT NOW I'm going to stop using caps lock. I know that you greatly appreciate these things, because that's the wonderful sort of person that you are, but I wanted to remind you that right now, at this exciting time in your life, anything can happen, strange things and great things.
Love you lots,
Gemi xoxo
Gemini; you are beautiful and too kind. Your words made me tear up because they touched me. In a good way. =) Thank you. I know I'm in a great place right now, in life, university, friends, fun and so on, and I'm really enjoying it, waiting for new things, "strange and great things," boyfriend thing - wait, what? Did I just say that? ;-) I appreciate it, I really do, and thank you for reminding me of it - but it's hard to lose a cherished dream that I'd always hoped I might be able to persue, you know?
Sorry I missed your call just now, I was at a tute in another college that actually got moved until later tonight! How annoying...call me later?
xo always,
JAG
I know how you feel :( i lost my biggest dream not too long ago, but it turned out just as good. i know it will for you aswell because you seem to be such a kind and good person.
Hope is not overated, hopes become reaities just as much as they dont, so cheer up and wipe your keyboard of your years :)something fantastic will be around the corner.
-M
Heya. I've only just gotten back into blogging today (so much bloody schoolwork!) and I read about your rejection from Yale. I'm so sorry, mate. :(
As I've gone through it with Cambridge I know that no amount of other people consoling us works. In the end, the only thing that heals you is time. And surrounding yourself with lots of things you love to block the rejection out.
Hope everything else works out for you and life starts looking up.
PS Blair rox. Oh, I'd kill to have her style.
xoxo
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