Dream larger!

Dat's right. MMTM is back!

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JAG

Avant Card: Get Elected!

This is a reproduction of a poster from, I don't know, the early 1900s in Australia that was part of a calendar printed last year in Victoria to celebrate 100 years of womens' vote. It's a powerful, inspiring and generally awesome picture, although I notice that her clothing is pretty skimpy...

Never underestimate girl power!

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JAG

I like doing stuff

Ladies, meet Craig. He's 35, has an extensive DVD collection and is looking for a girlfriend.

He likes fancy dress but draws the line at men in tights. He's keen on "doing stuff", but not stuff that includes cheese or kites. And he's pretty sure he's invented a time machine.

Whether he's a prankster or a prodigy, there's no doubt Craig has the people of Windsor captivated.

Craig has posted a series of signs on street furniture in Chapel Street in Melbourne's south-east, but his real identity so far remains a mystery.

The posters are now making their way across the internet, earning Craig a mention in Time magazine, on a radio station in Seattle and at least two Facebook groups, 'Mystery Man Craig from Windsor Appreciation Club' and 'We love Craig!'.

Keen web-watchers are already pointing out similarities between the work of Craig, thought to be Facebook identity Craig Dick, and a New York man named Chris.

There is also conjecture that Craig's posters may be a marketing ploy for online classifieds site craigslist.com.

But Craig has shunned the spotlight, calling instead for secrecy as he boldly ignores threats of $500 fines for hanging posters ("If you see me putting this up, can you do me a favour and not tell anybody'') and organises rendezvous to visit his grandmother ("she's a bit deaf so you'll have to speak up''), discuss cake decorating ("please bring photos or sample cake ... as proof of experience'') or give away a queen-size mattress ("it's like new except for some small burn marks'').

But he's not just a lonely guy with a printer and a penchant for caps lock.

Craig is a good Samaritan ("Did you walk past here at about 5.30pm last Tuesday? I may have your copy of Metro that you dropped ... the crossword is only half-filled in so you should be able to identify it").

He's also an entrepreneur ("For sale: this lamp-post. As is where is") and, like many of us, he's concerned how the global financial crisis will affect him ("If you know and would like to tell me then meet me here at 4pm tomorrow").

But perhaps most important for prospective girlfriends, he's well-mannered, even during time travel: "I'm pretty sure I've invented a time machine. All going according to plan I'll materialise right here at 11.37am on Friday. This is just a courtesy note to make sure you're not standing in this spot at the time."

Craig-watchers are on tenterhooks waiting for the next instalment.

In the meantime, if you're a woman with a big TV, Craig is waiting for you in Windsor.

He'll be wearing one white thong and one brown thong so you can recognise him.

Just bring 50 cents to cover his stationery costs.

Craig who?

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JAG

Only unfulfilled love can be romantic?

Last night I watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and I have to say I wasn't impressed. I know it's supposed to be an exploration of love in all it's forms, and he did present some intriguing scenarios, but I would not call this Woody Allen's best film.



I don't find Javier Bardem particularly attractive, but his accent was pretty sexy. The narration, on the other hand, was just weird and unnecessary, since, for the most part, it stated the bloomin' obvious: "Juan hurried out in the middle of the night." The music, however, was very good.



I thought this was one of Scarlett Johansson's more convincing performances. Her character seemed fairly shallow, but she played the so-called free spirt Cristina better than I've seen her in anything else.



Vicki (Rebecca Hall) was fantastic, rival to Cruz (no easy feat), a complex, emotional and uncertain character I could relate to. It's a cliche; she knows (and is getting) what she wants in life until she meets and sleeps with Juan, who turns her world and what she thought she wanted upside down, but it doesn't feel like an age-old story line. Except for Maria Elena, she is the most interesting character in the film, and Hall does her complete justice.



Penelope Cruz is the real star, as the bitter, sulky, borderline madwoman of Juan's past who still and will always hold his heart. She smoulders, with intensity and ferocity, showing she is truly deserving of her Oscar.

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JAG

You're My Exception

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.


















People don't just meet organically anymore. If I want to make myself more attractive to the opposite sex, I don't go get a new haircut - I update my profile. That's just how it is.






















I saw He's Just Not That Into You on Friday with Sara. It was funny, romantic, and made some interesting points about the modern dating game. My favourite couple was, far and away, Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long. Aw. They're so cute!

























Most people might think Goodwin's character seems desperate and gives women a bad name, but she was just wearing her heart on her sleeve, and good on her for hoping, and putting herself out there.

Sure and it's somewhat cliched, but I actually liked that they weren't all happy endings (although I wasn't a huge fan of the Ben/Anna story) but here are ten cliches you won't see in He's Just Not That Into You:

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JAG

3PT*

*That stands for 3 Punctual Things.

• Apostrophes drive me straight up the wall. It's not the apostrophes' fault - it's the dumbass people who frequently misuse them and consequently send me into a tailspin, because I see it everywhere. What happened to all the editors in the world? Did they forget the basic rules of grammar? Did they lose their copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves? DID THEY ALL HAVE A MEETING TO CONSPIRE AGAINST ME? In the eternal words of Osbourne Cox, "what the fuck"?! An IGA ad proudly proclaims "1000's of new stores;" in Target AND Big W, there are many "DVD's" and "CD's" on sale; the 80's and 90's are making quite the comeback. IT IS HURTING MY EYES, EVERYWHERE I TURN. For goodness sake people, this is primary school stuff.
  
  If it is a contraction (i.e. it is = it's, do not = don't), use an apostrophe to denote the missing letter/s. If someone owns it, use an apostrophe to denote ownership: Sarah's new car is green. Your husband loves you, not love's you. You can't have it both ways; it's either Dad's pretty daughters or Dads with pretty daughters.
  
  I know that "its" looks funny without an apostrophe and people throw one in just for good measure, figuring it can't hurt, BUT IT DOES. It's not hard, people, but its significance is far reaching.
  

• Your stupid.
  You're bag is over there.
  WRONG!
  This one is easy. You're is CLEARLY a contraction for you are. You're funny. You're pretty. CONTRACTION. See above. Your means yours, as in you OWN it. Your life. Your lack of grammar, &tc.
  

• Who's is this?
  Whose this?
  WRONG!
  Whose means who does it belong to? Possessive. Ownership. Who's means who is coming to dinner? Who is that at the door? WHO IS GOING TO BLOODY PUNCTUATE PROPERLY?!
  

So, in summary: call me pedantic, obsessive, OCD, I don't care; but bad grammar just makes me [sic].



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JAG

PS: Let it be known that I have faith in my readership not requiring such lessons. This simply serves as venting space against the stupidity of the world.

Fug or Fab?

It's Gabriella Cilmi! Which, admittedly, makes me kind of proud. Oh Gabriella, your annoyingly catchy and also somewhat whiney songs may have won six ARIAs, but I honestly don't know if I can condone and/or accept you for this kind of dress. If it could be called that. I mean, she looks great; young, beautiful, charming, confident; she can almost pull it off and make it look cool. But they're ties. Is it ironic, a bold fashion statement or just bad taste?

Please Gabriella, think of the children, the tens, or (if you're lucky) hundreds of misguided children called your fans! After all, we wouldn't want them to think this kind of thing was fashionable.

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JAG

Recognise Anyone?

Of course you do! It's the Cambridge Footlights Revue!

My favourite is The Letter.

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JAG

Avant Card: Thank You For Smoking

I think this postcard is quite powerful in its simplicity. And true, if exaggerated.

























(I also have this stuck on my door at home.)

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JAG

Stoned Love

I got tagged by Diana. Thanks girl! I did a variation of this on Facebook, but this one's more fun and amusing.



1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING...

What does next year have in store for me?
The Face of Voldemort (I kid you not!)

What's your love life like?
Let's Go Fly a Kite (hopeful?)

What do you say when life gets hard?
Wings of a Dove

What do you think when you get up in the morning?
The Last Resort

What song will you dance to at your wedding?
Hells Bell (why not?)

Your favourite saying?
What Would You Do?

Favourite place?
Hey Jude

What do you think of your parents?
King of Pain (LOL)

Where would you go on a first date?
Puppet On A String (sounds fun)

Drug of choice?
Little Fury Bugs

Describe yourself:
Wasting Time (right now!)

What is the thing you like doing most?
Kooyong Dollar (if that means shopping, right on!)

The song that best describes your school principal:
I Don't Feel Like Dancing (pretty close, but he's a great guy)

What is your state of mind like at the moment?
In the Ghetto (fo shiz)

How will you die?
Bruise Pristine



[Title derived from final song on shuffle]

I tag: whoever wants to

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JAG

I'm so proud

THE OSCARS (deserving of Complete Capitalisation) were last Monday night. Very exciting stuff. Too bad I had a much more thrilling O Week Trivia Night to attend, but these things can't be helped. In short, I missed the Sexiest Man Alive and Aussie Hugh Jackman hosting!

But, thankfully, there are people like Emma, who provide a blow-by-blow (which I very much appreciate) and, of course, Saviour of Us All, YouTube! Enjoy. Again, if you were so lucky.

Seems like a spectacular this year. What was the highlight for you?

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JAG

Slumdog Sweep

In honour of the Oscars (and deserving wins) by Slumdog Millionaire:




















By one of my favourite political cartoonists, the one and only.

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JAG

Avant Card: No Way!

Some of my older readers* may remember a little feature I used to run on Tuesdays called Avant Card, where I posted pictures of my favourite postcards (published by Avant Card, hence the name) which took a rather Olympic-sized break around that time.

Well - it's baaaack! I'm kicking the year off with one of my absolute favourites. It cracks me up every time, and I love it so much I've stuck it on my door at home. It's also a great message.


























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JAG

*by which I mean readers who have stuck with me, not those readers who are older

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes

Kudos to Arielle for spotting it first. It pretty much sums up the film.

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JAG

The Bitch Review, Abridged

10 word reviews of 8 (recent) films. Jazzy’s idea.

The Painted Veil

A beautiful English love story in China. Made me cry.

The Dark Knight

Intense, powerful, sinister; the Joker was spooky, Batman was raspy.

Mamma Mia

Hilarious choreography; spectacular scenery; dubious singing; love Amanda Seyfried.

Changeling

Angelina outdoes herself, but the treatment of women was horrible.

Milk

The power and passion of one man – Sean Penn – incredible.

Into the Wild

Emile Hirsch has never looked better. Moving story done justice.

WALL-E

Who doesn’t love this cute little robot with a personality?

Ironman

A funny action movie without a cliched romance? I'm there!

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JAG

Right? Wrong!

Late last year I received this email:

"Dear Fellow Blogger,

It is my distinct pleasure, as the president of Americans for Limited Government, to invite you today to become a key member of the exciting new conservative “bloggers central,” NetRightNation.com.

I am so pleased to announce that NetRightNation.com is providing bloggers like you, the mainstream media, politicians, and other opinion leaders free, instant access to nearly 60,000 conservative blogs nationwide. And counting.

Above all, we want to make sure NRN is all that you, an important member of the conservative blogosphere, want it to be."

These are people who publish articles like The Climate Change Fraud (they also think like this.)

What I want to know is: where the f did they get this idea I'm a conservative, of all things? I have been called many things, but c-word is not one of them. My dad made me listen to right wing radio all the way across America (considering we were in the Heartland of the American Right) in order to counter my "extreme left wing/Obama-messiah complex" (his words, not mine) which meant I had to listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh sing "Barack the magic negro" or play "Hallelujah" every time they mentioned Obama's name (which was actually kind of funny.)

(Aside: I also don't understand why so many political parties are called liberal when they're conservative - and it's not just Australia!)

If I were K, I think I'd be insulted, and if I was Sara, I'd be offended.

I'd just like to point out to these people that I am:

1) Democrat

2) pro-gay rights

3) climate change believer and crusader

among other things.

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JAG

Atheism — Celebrate Reason

So, because we're such a progressive, forward-thinking, open minded country, some Australian outdoor advertising company has pulled the plug on a deal with Atheist Foundation of Australia to put slogans on buses.

"How offensive was the message? Was it, "Sucked in, there's no God. Ha, ha, ha"? Was it, "Those hours in church bored out of your brain, those years of guilt and all those prayers? Wasted. God's not real"? Was it, "The look on their faces when they find out God doesn't exist? Priceless."

No. It was, "Atheism — Celebrate Reason". How scary is that? That was after "Atheism — Sleep in on Sundays" and "Atheism — Because there is no credible evidence"* were knocked back. How flimsy does APN think people's faith is if they'd be rocked by a gentle comment like that? How fragile would someone's faith be if they were rocked by a gentle comment like that? If I were a believer, I'd be offended that someone would think my convictions were that shaky. How dare someone assume I was living in some state of suspended intellectual adolescence?

Spain and Canada are all running the British slogan ["There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life"], America's going with "Why believe in a God? Just be good for goodness' sake" and Italy, home of The Grand Poobah of The Roman Catholics, is going with, "The bad news is God doesn't exist. The good news is we don't need him." Ireland will run something similar.

Fancy advertising taking the moral high ground. Since when has the advertising industry worried about offending women by sexually objectifying them, Muslims by advertising alcohol, vegetarians by plugging meat and anyone even remotely interested in the environment by promoting petrol-guzzling four-wheel-drives as a fashion statement. This rejection of what is free speech and falls clearly inside the guidelines of taste seems odd. Perhaps, dare I say it, discriminatory?"

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JAG

Can YOU do this?

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JAG

Valentine’s Day

This V Day, I shall not wallow in self-pity (as I am unfortunately want) with regards to my (painfully) single status. So long as I shall live, and I have friends (such as these), I shall not want for boys (after all, boys are stupid, are they not?) It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still pining after a guy (The Boy), much like last year (new boy, too, and there’s been one between), but I’m not holding out.

And I’m adopting Rayne’s motto: life's more fun without strings, right?

Because really, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I don’t have any regrets about what might have happened with whom – of course, I wish some of the guys would have asked, but there aren't any moments I shied away from that might have lead to something else, and there haven't been any offers to turn down.

I am young, single and attractive* and one day, my prince (or any prince) will come!

Today, I want to make a shout out/declaration of love/dedication to two groups of people near and dear to me:

• To all the bloggers who have known me for a year or more now (GAB is going on two years! Excitement!) We’ve been through a lot, and I’m particularly grateful for your constant and ongoing support, especially last April, which stands out as a time that was hard for me to go through, and you were all (and are still!) so lovely. To my more recent readers; you haven’t missed much, and thank you for all your kind words!

• To all my friends, both bloggers, readers, occasional browsers and otherwise (to mention a few I know peruse this blog – Sara, Gemini, Dancing Feet, Pepito, Dominga, Pixie, Belinda Humble, and maybe others?) – you are the most wonderful people in my life (RL, that is). Thank you for always being there for me; you people are my rock. Seriously.

Consider this my Valentine to you.

Have you heard about the girl who is auctioning off her virginity? (It’s currently going for about $5.3million AUS) I’m thinking I should do the same with The Kiss.

Any bids?

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JAG

*most days of the week

Black Saturday

1000 homes destroyed. Hundreds of thousands of hectares of land devastated. Whole towns and communities decimated, literally wiped off the map. A death toll of nearly 200 that it is predicted to rise to 300. The worst bushfires in history.


It's making big news overseas; even Perez Hilton has taken note.


It's so, so horrible and incomprehensible to imagine what these people have lost; homes, memories, lifetimes, their past, their families and friends. The atrocity of it is that these fires are suspected to be started by arsonists. My mother thinks they ought to receive the death penalty, because it's murder, but as they say on the news, it's often hard to prove. Should they hang?


The only good to come out of this is Australia's response, and it's times like these to be proud of my country. There may only be 20 million of us, but by golly we know how to rally. More than $100 million has been raised already, with the Australian cricket team, the AFL, Coles supermaket, and many others pledging to the cause. Thousands of people are giving blood and donating clothing, furniture, household goods, animal feed, and other items; 14 ship container loads at last count. We're going through our closets at home to give to the Savlos, and are going to donate money. Of course, it's not enough; none of it will ever be enough. But it's something.

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JAG

Smitten

I’m creating a playlist of love songs.

Kelsey, Metro Station
Now it’s going to get harder, and it’s going to burn brighter
And it’s going to feel tougher each and every day
And so let me say that I love you, you’re all I’ve ever wanted
All I’ve ever dreamed of to come and yes you did come

Hey There Delilah, Plain White Tees
Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City?
I’m a thousand miles away, but girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do,
Times Square can’t shine as bright as you, I swear it’s true

Gamble Everything For Love, Ben Lee
Make a list of things you need
Leave it empty except for number one
Write love
Gamble everything

It is You (I Have Loved), Dana Glover (Shrek)
There’s no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You’re the home my heart searched for so long
And it is you I have loved all along

Anyone Else But You, The Moldy Peaches (Juno)
Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else but you

Can You Feel the Love Tonight, The Lion King
So many things to tell her, but how to make her see
The truth about my past? Impossible; she’d turn away from me
He’s holding back, he’s hiding, but what, I can’t decide
Why won’t he be the king I know he is, the king I see inside?

Something There, Beauty and the Beast
There’s something sweet and almost kind
But he mean and he was coarse and unrefined
But now he’s dear, and so unsure; I wonder why I didn’t see it there before
She glanced this way, I thought I saw
And when we touched she didn’t shudder at my paw
No it can’t be; I’ll just ignore; but then she’s looked at me that way before

I Thought You Were God, Clare Bowditch and the Feeding Set
I was very, very young and terribly in love
And not yet knowing that love alone may not be enough
To counter all the stupid things I thought
I thought you were God

Title and Registration, Death Cab for Cutie
The glove compartment isn’t accurately named, and everybody knows it
So I’m proposing a swift orderly change
Cause behind its door there’s nothing to keep my fingers warm
And all I find are souvenirs from better times,
Before the gleam of your taillights fading east to find yourself a better life

Bridal Train, The Waifs
She was holding her future in her hand, the faded photo of a man
Catch a sailor if you can, the war bride leaves her southern land
All the girls around Australia married to a Yankee sailor
The fare is paid across the sea to the home of the brave and the land of the free

Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes, Simon and Garfunkel
The poor boy changes his clothes and puts on aftershave
To compensate for his ordinary shoes
She said honey take me dancing but they ended up a-sleeping in a doorway

Everlasting Love, The Love Affair
Open up your eyes, then you realise
Here I stand with my everlasting love

Even Angels Fall, Jessica Riddle (10 Things I Hate About You)
It’s the secret no one tells; one day it’s heaven, one day it’s hell
And it’s no fairytale, take it from me; that’s the way it’s supposed to be
You will fly and you will crawl, God knows even angels fall

I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues, Elton John
And I guess that’s why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers, rolling like thunder under the covers

Goodnight and Go, Imogen Heap
Why’d you have to be so cute? It’s impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much? It’s bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Unchained Melody, Gareth Gates
All my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch
A long lonely time and time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much; are you still mine?

Fever, Peggy Lee
Romeo loved Juliet; Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her, he said “Julie baby you’re my flame;
Thou givest fever, when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth,
Fever! I’m afire, fever yeah I burn for sooth.”

(I Love It When You) Call Me Names, Joan Armatrading
Big woman and a short, short man
And he loves it when she beats his brains out
He’s pecked to death but he loves the pain
And he loves it when she calls him names

Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Deep Blue Something
And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
She said I think I remember the film
And yes, I recall, I think we both kind of liked it
And I said, well that’s the one thing we got

Son of a Preacher Man, Dusty Springfield
When he started sweet-talking to me
He’d come and tell me everything is alright
He’d kiss and tell me everything is alright
Can I get away again tonight?

Suggestions?

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JAG

It is written

I know I've been a little wanting in the blogging department, but I've been sick (mysteriously and unhappily) twice in the past two weeks, been to Melbourne twice in a week (with the upside being that I've been both Slumdog Millionaire and Milk [go read Kayleigh's review, it sums up exactly how amazing a film it is, but better still, go see it!!] both of which I LOVED and are totally deserving of the awards I want them to win at the Oscars) and then visited my mother's family for four days over the weekend. Sara was supposed to be coming to stay this weekend, but she's sick too, and might not be able to make it (to my dismay.) Many stories to come about my fabulous adventures in America, but for now - look! Photos!

Everybody knows that Slumdog Millionaire is about a poor boy from the slums who wins – and wins big – on the Indian version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? But much like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button it is told in reflection, when the boy – Jamal (Dev Patel, who you may recognise from Skins) – is arrested and tortured under the (contrived) suspicion of cheating. The beginning torture scenes are shocking and horrific, and it sets the tone for much of the film, which does not shy away from the harsh reality of the slums and poverty in India.

Perhaps the reason this film is so popular is because it’s a film about overcoming adversity (and when doesn’t Hollywood love an underdog story, especially when the underdog wins?), survival, family, friendship, religion, prejudice, love, hope, and above all, an impossible dream of escape. Of course, it’s clichéd slightly but tell me a movie that isn’t in some way predictable. There are also some humorous references to Western stereotypes of India, primarily being the call centres and the Taj Mahal. But we would do well to remember that, as Sharanya says, this film shows but a cross section of Mumbai, not the whole, and certainly not the whole of India. Like any country, impoverished or not, and especially one struggling with a booming population of more than a billion, there are extremes of lifestyle and wealth, both in excess and a lack of, and all levels in between.

The real stars of Slumdog are the Indian children who play the younger Jamal, his older brother Salim and love interest Latika, another refreshing reason to love this film; there are no big name, Hollywood actors in this film. For the most part, they’re native Indians (what do you call someone from Mumbai?) who capture the spirit of a city that has proved – mostly recently this November – resilient.

“What can a slumdog possibly know?”

“The answers.”

It seems improbable, almost downright impossible that Jamal should know any – let alone all – of the answers the show throws at him. But various and sundry turns his life has taken, from orphaned and homeless to beggar to tour guide to cook to serving tea at a call centre, means he knows more than people think.

However, the magnificence of this film lies not only in the story being told (so uplifting, turbulent and emotional) but in the sensation of it, being expressed and felt and shared through sweeping panoramas, unflinching close ups, a thrilling soundtrack (one of the highlights) and a determination not just to show but to evoke the slumdog experience, as much as possible through the medium of the screen. And it works; the audience laughed collectively when Jamal climbs out through a long drop to get an autograph from his favourite Indian film star, gasped and became palpably tense when it came to that final question. I myself got the shakes and then cried (several times throughout, probably more than I’ve cried in any other film – I don’t tend to cry that much, despite what jdl might tell you). You are inhuman or insensitive if you walk away from this film unmoved.

9/10

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JAG

Beauty and the Geek

Now here’s a “reality” TV show worth watching, even if it is only to make yourself feel smarter by comparison (or, in my case, console myself that I’m not the only dateless, desperate, never-been-kissed person on the planet). I managed to catch the first episode of this season late one night last week:

Host: which is closer to the Earth, the moon or the sun?

Beauty #1: the sun

Beauty #2: aren’t they the same distance?

Beauty #3: they’re the same thing

H: how many stripes on the US flag?

B: 52

H: who won the civil war?

B: us

H: who is us?

B: The United States of America, we won every war

H: Tell me a word that rhymes with orange.

B: Morange.

H: what’s morange?

B: [laughing] more orange

H: What are the first five words of the Gettysburg address?

B: I don’t know

H: who gave it?

B: I don’t know

H: Where was it given?

B: [shaking head] I don’t know

H: in the equation E=MC², what does the e stand for?

B #3: let me tell you right now, math and I do not get along

Geek: when was D Day?

Beauty: [shrugs]

Geek: 1942

Beauty: No, that was when Columbus sailed the ocean blue!

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JAG